Destiny or Destination

This topic provides an unusual challenge for those of us who are recently retired from a lifelong career. I from a career I loved and took pride in, even identified with; JR from one which he despised and where no matter how hard he worked or tried to do something meaningful, he was totally unappreciated. It provided insurance, other benefits, and a substantial enough salary to trade the daily hours for, nothing more. Where are we going now??

We have always talked of travel. Though our travel tastes aren't exactly the same, we are both willing to take turns being the chooser/leader and the follower. Travelling together is definitely an integral part of this goal. I want to show him Paris, Zermatt, Saltsburg, Florence and Corfu. I will willingly follow him hiking or rafting in Canyonlands, Yellowstone, Arches, Zion, or along the Colorado River or the Appalachian trail (at least parts of it---he may thru-hike it, I'll meet him and do short stretches).

We have talked of moving from our 35 years of residence in Florida; we'd like to be closer to family both near and extended, but it's hard to leave 35 years of friends and church and even favorite restaurants. Our only daughter lives in California and I want desperately to see her more than we have in the last several years. However, not to offend anyone, but I have been a Floridian far too long to overcome the inbred rivalries and ever become a Californian myself. (I mean we learned that "our oranges are better than theirs" stuff in grade school. Obviously I personally have been a Floridian lots longer than 35 years.) And who is to say she(our daughter)is there to stay. Places that are climatically similar to what we old "wimps" are accustomed to are experiencing the same political and environmental problems (too many people, not enough water, etc.)we are trying to evade. We are seriously apprehensive about how we will deal with significant cold---I have only once in my entire life driven in snow. So, although we have played in our minds with five or six states that hold some interest for us, we have only barely looked at real estate options.

I want to read more! This is a pure pleasure that I denied myself 9 months a year because I always had student essays--lots less interesting---that I knew I needed to be grading, and if I started a good book, it would get the best of my time and attention. I have shelves of books I am longing to read. But because I am presently trying to dig out, clean up, and remodel my terminally 80s house (more on this is in my "Nemesis" blog of Nov. 26, which I would link you back to but I don't know how to create an intext link), those books are still taunting me from dusty shelves.

There are other pleasures too that have always been a part of my general retirement dreams. But right now I am hip-deep in "gotta do" drudgery, at present in a stage that I cannot pay someone else to do it for me 'til I get it partially under control myself. This aspect of retirement is not fun and feels more exhausting and futile at times than going to work every day and planning lessons and grading papers every evening. I am such a creature of "schedule," and I don't have a new one yet.

So, destination / destiny---right now those words are represented by a great big question mark which emanates some of the terrors of a black hole, as it were; and I must say, frankly, it's a pretty insecure and uncomfortable place to be. But this is where I am writing from today, December 31, 2006, on the precipice of 2007: the first year of true retirement for us and the first days of the rest of our (joint)life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all.

Anticipation

Anticipation is one of the most promising, most exciting words in our language. It is often associated with Christmas, almost always with weddings, and for children: with birthdays. If one could paint anticipation---I wish I could---I know it would sparkle and glow: like stars in the night sky, like lights reflected in a distance against snow, like a colorful, brightly lighted tree, like eyes of one in love. To my way of understanding, anticipation is always positive; the opposite experience of dreading and/or fearing a probable or expected event or result is anxiety.

In the vein of a number of books that came out in the '70s made up of metaphors for love; i.e. "Love is walking hand in hand" or "Love is a warm puppy." I decided to characterize anticipation that way.

Anticipation is a child who can't sit still or stop talking in class because his/her birthday party is this evening at Busch Gardens or Chuckie Cheese (or where ever).

Anticipation is what wakes even children who usually sleep til someone shakes them awake at noon at 4:45 AM on Christmas morning.

Anticipation is a young girl all dressed up waiting expectantly for her date to come pick her up for her first solo car date or for her first formal dance.

Anticipation is huddling together on the beach in the early morning dampness waiting for the sun to rise over the ocean.

Anticipation is expecting and imagining that first kiss of a new love.

Anticipation is salivating over your lottery ticket as the girl on TV draws out the winning numbers and you already have the first 3 correct.

Anticipation is waiting in line for a concert or movie you have been absolutely dying to see and now you are within an hour of actually being in attendance at.

Anticipation is waiting at the airport for a loved one or ones who have been far away or away for a long time or away and in danger, or maybe it's waiting for the one you love so you can tell him/her for the very first time that you want to share the rest of your life with him/her.

Anticipation is waiting for the first notes of "Here Comes the Bride" as you or your bride or your daughter starts down the aisle.

Anticipation is the look of overwhelming love in the eyes of both bride and groom as they meet together to finally become one.

Anticipation is waiting together in the labor room and talking excitedly and nervously about the baby, your baby, about to come into this world.

Anticipation is reaching out your arms to hold your new baby for the very first time.


Please feel free in the comment section to add your own favorite metaphor(s) for anticipation which I may have forgotten.

Reward or punishment

Today is December 15th; I started this last Friday or Saturday Dec. 8 or 9. This one just didn't happen. It is the first Sunday Scribblings I have failed to complete and submit since I started in early June this year. Below are the ramblings I did manage.

My first thoughts:

"you can catch more flies with honey..."

There is a place for both punishment and reward.

Then I wrote this:
There is a problem with reading some other people's "scribblings" before writing one's own, especially if it is a topic one isn't particularly motivated to write about. After reading many of the first 15 posted this week, I found myself so much in agreement with Shelley and with a lot of the excellent points Sarah made, I found myself completely uninspired with new things to say or better ways to say them.

There is a purpose and function for punishment which restricts behaviors that endanger the doer or others, or which serve as a reminder and caution that one has abused freedoms previously given or even earned.

Rewards should be freely given but not for simply standard, expected behavior. Also, as much as possible, rewards should not be material (not food or things) but verbal or a positive natural result of the positive behavior.

The weekend was very busy and Sunday evening in the middle of a huge load, the washing machine broke and that was the end of last weekends scribblings. With apologies, that's it.

In the Last Hour...

In the last hour our voices rose up like incense, in hushed prayer and song. We shared the Biblical words and scriptural stories of God's promise to send one who would be our teacher and our inspiration and our savior, one who would come as a child and live as a common carpenter and rabbi. The one who would save us would be misunderstood and maligned, rejected, accused, and executed. But although he would physically leave our presence, he would always be with us in spirit; and finally after the time of war and pestilence, of suffering and grief, of anguish and weeping, he would come again and take his faithful believers to be with him.

We are too many to be comfortable for long in this hidden meeting place we have chosen. We are many for this small below ground room; but we are so few compared to the huge number we have worked with, played with, and called friends. Even those we have loved as family are not all here. Where are they gone, what can they be thinking--those who have chosen "the mark" rather than give up creature comforts and the open, material lives we had all come to believe we valued. When it was time to make the absolute decision about what was really important, what was really cherished, what was the true "bottom line," there were great conflicts, great divisions. Many who surprised us, so many it astounded us, brushed away the faith for the "things." It is almost inconceivable that we have come full circle to the Roman days we read about in Sunday school, where we must identify others who are true believers with recognition symbols and must speak of our faith and hope and belief only to those we fully trust.

In the last hour, as we huddled together in awful apprehension, but in comfortable fellowship with beloved friends, family and like-minded believers, we felt the spirit wash over us, and we were at peace, at least for the moment, in this place. And we continued to wait.